I’m so behind, but it’s still kind of funny.

The week before EJ was born:

This is so weird.

This is my usual, and unfortunate, response to life-altering events; things that are so surreal I can’t actually figure out how to wrap my brain around them and respond in an adult manner. I just utter these profound words. Like when Jay proposed, instead of saying, “Yes! I love you SO much!,” I said,”This is so weird.” No, I will never, EVER live that down. [To be fair, there is a bit more to the story, but we will save that for another time.]

And here I am again saying, “This is so weird.” This tiny human is going to want out any day now, and instead of thinking about how amazing all of this is, I just keep thinking about my knees being up to my chin and my vagina hanging out for the world to see, and all the other gross stuff that goes with birthing a child. Oh, and the fact that I’M BIRTHING A CHILD. There is something living inside of me. That’s weird, right?

Tying my shoes is the hardest part of my workout, but I refuse to let someone tie them for me. I am not a child. I’m just squashing the child inside of me. And that’s uncomfortable, for both parties, I assume.

As I’m prepping for this life altering event, I’ve made sure to take care of the really important things: haircut + color, pedicure, sugaring. I’m not sure how much of the next few weeks (months, years) I’ll be able to control, so I thought some grooming would at least make me feel better. That way, when I can’t shower more than once every few days, my greasy hair won’t have any grey streaks and my toes will look nice.

Are you wondering about sugaring, or did you just skip over that part? Let me explain. My hair stylist is also an expert in hair removal. She was quite adamant that once I was pregnant I needed to let her assist me in that area as well…

The “sugar” goo is made of lemon, sugar and water, and is supposed to be better for your skin. I thought this meant it was also less painful than waxing. That was a very incorrect assumption. It has to be stretched across your skin and it’s much sticker than wax. Like, really sticky. So needless to say, the first time was a bit of a surprise.

It was also a surprise that when I left things were still sticking together…

To be fair, the second time was better. In part, because I knew what to expect, but mostly because Beth was done in <5 min. I also knew how to get the sugar off this time. Thank, God.

However, the third time… oh, the third time… that was brutal. I had a newbie and she was, let’s say, thorough. I expected 5 minutes and it lasted 20+. Numerous times I  considered just rolling off the table and calling it good enough, but I figured the whole experience was good prep for labor. I just kept telling myself this pain would pale in comparison.